Protected: New Year Resolutions

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3 things to reflect in 2013

2013 makes me realize 3 things.

1. I detest ppl determining outcome for me. I would greatly appreciate ppl to discuss with me. For valuable friends and family members, I bear with it though I m unhappy inside without telling them in most instances.

2. Don’t expect ppl 2 know or understand what you really want though you may tell them umpteen times.

3. Don’t trust in ppl words totally. If they want sth, they tell you all sorts of reasons to justify their action. Later, same applies when they don’t want sth.

In year 2014, I hope to discover 4 good things.

Protected: Hardest decision I have made.

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Some dating tips…

This is one of my most meaningful birthdays that I have spent over my years.  With a surprise birthday treat a few hours before my birthday, what makes it even more meaningful is that one of my friends is in the starting phase of the chasing stage of BGR. I am indeed in the state of felicity (exceptionally happy) as it really brings back to the sweet memories of my 1st BGR.  So, let us reminisce those moments here. Hehe…

This is how I would describe that starting phase of the chasing stage of BGR (at least I experience them).  I don’t mean to dictate my below responses as foolproof. But, it is my personal comments and insights that I have learnt from hearing my friends’ experience and of course of my own experience (though limited). So, I feel that I may as well share it out to those who needs it and for myself when my turn comes AGAIN.

1.  It is the moment where you begin to think hard what she is trying to convey in her words or message.

[But, her words or message may have NO hidden meaning.  Perhaps, it is a typical guy’s issue? Haha… Perhaps, check if our perceived notions of their intended meaning is right if it is important?  ]

2. It is the moment where you would say (or think) she is playing delay tactics with you (or won’t tell you her feelings about you directly) when she asks about your feelings of her or something of that sort INDIRECTLY.

[Hmm, I still believe girls do play delay tactics. But, female friends would tell you that if girls directly express their true feelings, most guys don’t treasure them. Worst still, she plays delay tactics  on you in replying your message slowly so that she tests your patience (i.e. how much you really like her).]

3. It is the moment where you are fearful that she would reject you if you tell her your feelings about her.

[Hmm, I still remember those cold sweat that I experience. I even have sleepless nights all thanks to that.

But, we still need to know the truth and we should anticipate it as one of the possible outcomes. Otherwise, it is pointless to move on. ]

4.  It is the moment that you begin to present the soft side of you.

[Well, this is the time where both you and her will reveal only the strengths. I guess this gives us affirmation what we really like each other. So, in the event of quarrels when we are really together, we have to remind ourselves this is what drives both of us to be together  to begin with which I have seen many people always forget this.]

5. It is the moment that you are eager to wait for her messages though you may tell others that you don’t really care.

[One lesson that I learn is to remind yourself not to wait for her messages after you have taken a lot of initiatives. Then, she begins to treasure your message and start to reply .]

6. It is the sweetest and fun moments before both you and her officially  got together.

[This is the moment where there is NO expectation between both of you and yet enjoy the sweet moments being together. Well, I do really crave for this moment for a long while. Haha…]

7. It is one of the moments that you hope to spend your life with her (if you are really serious with her).

[From my learning experience, it is normal to have this mindset as it affirms that you really love her. But, I feel that you should still take a step back to know her more.  In addition, you may feel the strong urge of liking her because she got attracted by her for that transient (short) moment. Thus, perhaps give yourself more time to affirm your feelings with her.]

8. It is the moment that you are likely to advertise her strengths to your friends.

[From my learning experience, we subconsciously want to maintain our ego and be perceived in front of our friends that we have the right kind of girl in target.  If we have a good friend asking about her flaws, we will play down the effects as you think the strengths outweight the flaws. To me, this is normal as I have been a victim of it too. But, sitting back to reflect now, I feel that it is always better to constantly ask yourself if that statement holds true instead of treating your good friend’s kind intention as one time thing. That brings to the point on the importance of knowing her even more to verify that statement.]

9. Most important of all, it is the moment you would likely to have let your guts down.

[From my learning experience, we will be too obsessed with her strengths to convince ourselves subconsciously that she is the one for us or even select evidences that support it. But, have we sat down to reflect and verify on her motive? There are cases where they may be just enjoying to be loved since they have not recovered from her past wounds from previous relationship or  unwilling to commit into a serious one. As one good friend told me before, there must be a reason why she has break up(s) especially since it is a multiple one (though not all breakups are due to her fault.)]

One of the key lessons that I have learnt is love is a necessary but not sufficient condition for BGR. In plain English, it means love may be an important factor for BGR but it is never enough to make BGR possible. There are a lot of dimensions to consider to see if both you and her should be together in the long run (unless you are a play boy). But, if both parties really like each other, both of you should be willing to cross the hurdles together. That is what I call true love since I always believe there is no perfect love but to make 2 imperfect people to be perfect for each other.

Hmm, I sound like a love guru for once. But, these are advices that I have accumulated over learning from my friends experience and my own experience which I hope people would incorporate various broad dimensions when they are in this stage in making an informed decision. Remember, romance is an irrational process (otherwise, romance won’t be so interesting).   No matter how rational you can go, each of us often lose sights to all of these when we are in it no matter how experienced we may be in. I really hope not to see people complaining that I could have better off considered this or that.

爱一个人好难 or 爱很简单？

It is through yesterday’s Karaoke session that I came across a familiar song that I used to hear years ago but I always never knew the title of the song – 爱一个人好难.

It is this song that triggered me to wonder if love is really that easy or difficult especially since I have been exposed to 2 song titles that convey 2 polar extremes for all these years. In my opinion, these songs are simply doing what Economics has the tendency to do. That is, we try to make assumptions to simplify things in life and thus we may end up with different outcomes depending on what assumptions or conditions we set. So, in this context, I feel that the song ‘爱很简单’ is most apt when you are just starting your relationship as lovers at that time are still new to each other and thus they naturally feel that it is magical that they could get together  (therefore, this would be one of the possible assumptions/conditions to establish the outcome stated by the song title).  Yet, the song ‘爱一个人好难’ is most apt when the lovers are in the stage of giving up each other and thus it is likely that a person who are in the midst of breaking up or have broken up could associate what the singer in the song is trying to express. Thus, this brings to my point that which stand (i.e. love is easy or hard) you are more inclined to on love are most likely to depend on your current situation that you are in now. Technically, behaviour economists will term it as saliency bias. Since that is the case, I come to my conclusion that love is neither easy nor hard. But, it is a mix of the two and either of the outcomes could be relished from time to time. I come to accept the point that it requires the constant effort of both love birds to sustain this love and I believe that communication is the key to this effort. 🙂 Hence, I think that we should not be bothered by whether love is easy or hard.

Note: I am not a love guru but I am just writing down the general points of what I have experienced or witnessed from other people’s BGR. Since individuals are heterogenous, thus please don’t expect that what I wrote is full proof.  I am just expressing my opinions here. 

<I have bolded some words in the lyrics of the following 2 songs as I found them very meaningful.>

Song Title 1: 爱一个人好难  – 苏永康

你说你还是喜欢孤单
其实你怕被我看穿
你怕属于我们的船
飘飘荡荡靠不了岸
事到如今没有答案 
我的真心为你牵绊 
不管相见的夜多么难堪
简简单单的说爱是不爱 
想要把你忘记真的好难 
失恋的痛在我心里纠缠 
朝朝暮暮的期盼 
永远没有答案 
为何当初你选择一刀两断 
请你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端
一样的为难
唯一的答案爱一个人好难 
事到如今没有答案
我的真心为你牵绊
不管相见的夜多么难堪
简简单单的说爱是不爱
想要把你忘记真的好难
失恋的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两断
请你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端
一样的为难
唯一的答案爱一个人好难
想要把你忘记真的好难
失恋的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两断
请你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端
一样的为难
唯一的答案爱一个人好难

Source: http://www.kuwo.cn/yinyue/64079/

Song Title 2: 爱很简单 – 陶喆

忘了是怎么开始也许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己已深深爱上你
真的很简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法抉择　喔
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我　喔
I love you
无法不爱你 baby
说你也爱我　呜
I love you
永远不愿意 baby　失去你
不可能更快乐只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然　世界变个不停用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单
让爱变得简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法抉择　喔
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我　喔
I love you
一直在这里 babe
一直在爱你 woo yeah
I love you　woo yes I do
永远都不放弃这爱你的权利
如果你还有一些困惑　oh no
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着
爱你
Yes I do
Come on now
Woo
One more time
I love you　woo yes I do
一直在这里 babe oh yeah
一直在爱你 oh yeah
I love you　woo
永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利

Source: http://geci.chinamp3.com/geci/556/geci27180.php

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