An official adult

Today marks an important day of the year for me. I am finally 21 which is the beginning of adulthood. This means that I am accountable to all my actions. It is heavy duty for me to undertake. 🙂

In this entry, I would like to spread the joyful message from my student that have deeply impacted me. Although he may have given me lots of problems and disappointment, this message has taught me that one could touch lives if he or she is willing to put in their heart and soul to assist him or her.

 ‘Thanks for  your guidance and your precious time to help me. You are the one who didn’t give up on me and helped me to build my confidence in A Maths. I really appreciate that and I will definitely work harder to score distinction for it.’

When I first received this message few days before today (an intangible advance gift for me), it has indeed melted my heart. I must admit that there are times that I feel like giving up in him. Yet, I feel that I must have the will to help him even though he has given me incessant problems. On a flipside, I have tried to defend him as he is still a youth after all. I should give me more room to reflect and work on his flaw characteristics. I have even given some taste of his actions to let him fathom what is meant by disappointment. Ironically, I am surprised that he does not loathe me. I hope that he has truly learnt his lesson and I am here to give him my true blessing during my birthday.

Let me cast aside my passion in teaching for a while. I have actually planned to write my wish during my 21st birthday in this entry. Yet, I am fearful that the myth will occur. That is, your wish will not be true once it is uttered out. Thus, I have Hobson’s choice but to keep it to myself.  In any case, I am indeed grateful to my 2s20 (’06) friends who have bought me a surprise gift. I sincerely did not anticipate that. For those friends who have given me the best wishes, I am here to say thank you. 🙂

Protected: Respect could be earned easily but easily tarnished too.

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On a positive note…

Finally, I could share some positive experiences towards school. That is, I could fathom what is discussed during the Linguistics tutorial. This shows that my continuous effort of clarifying incessant questions with the lecturer via email has worked well. For once, I am inspired by the module although I used to dread it. To be frank, this module is indeed very technical. Thus, I shall not give up and continue to work hard in order to prove my mantle. Hehe…

In addition, I was elated for the fact that I could pluck out my courage to ask Economics questions during tutorial. Best of all, my question has turned out to be a question which Pang Wei would like to inquire. Although we are inquiring the same question, he has a different argument for the question. Thus, I have managed to coerce him to approach the tutor. The tutor gives kudos for our deep thought questions. Please note that we are not the sort who asks questions for the sake of credit, we ask questions which are intended to clarify concepts only.

Back to the topic of school, I realise that I could not adjust well to school is attributed to the varying teaching approaches. It seems that there is no smooth transition between O or A level contents and University contents. It is indeed grieving to note that there are lecturers who are shocked that we did not cover a particular content in O or A level. In my perspective, there should be seminar for the O level, A level teachers to gather with the university professor to discuss on the syllabus contents for each stage of education. This is unfair for students as they are always a victim of being accused of forgetting these basic concepts. Worst of all, they may end up not able to grasp the new yet interconnected university contents. I do not wish to see more clones of me inflicting the similar problem. I have even resorted to check the syllabus contents of the required O level or A level subjects in SEAB website in order to prove my point.

In any case, I would like to reiterate that I have never loathe going to school. It is just that I am not adjusted to the workload initially.

New discovery…(at least for me)

For the past few days, I have begun to realise that I have been ‘intoxicating’ myself with love songs and it seems that the demand for such songs is higher whenever I am hitting the books during the school terms. This could be substainated from my JC experience. In my opinion, it seems that those songs that I have been listening to for the past few days (though I suspect that I would continue to listen to them more) have clearly reflected my inner feelings which I do not usually reveal out except for that 1 person that I have poured out my woes for the past few days.  At a certain moments, I really hope that I have partner (of course a feminine one) who could provide me with emotional support.  I guess I should stop dreaming and get down to work now.

Worst of all, I can’t function well in pressurised environment. It was a sad truth when I discovered that I could do a A Maths question. I even took 5-10 mins to ponder over it. I seriously do not know what is strong with me. Well, let’s not mention what my module contents. It makes me feel terrible.  On a flipside, I have been constantly reminding myself that there are lots of degree holders out in the street at least in Singapore. If they could do it, why can’t I? Conflicting minds accepting conflicting choices. ARGH…

Stressed up…

For the past few weeks, my stress level has been rising exponentially. I have even reached the stage of giving up. The pace in school (i.e. lectures, tutorials) is not only high for me but also the workload (i.e. readings, projects) is horrifying.   On a flipside, I have been constantly reminding myself a university degree is required to attain my dream job. I have been doing constant revision for every possible minute that I could secure in a scarce 24 hours each day till the point that I begin to ponder if it is sustainable in long run. Worst of all, workload never seem to cease. It is fast flowing just like the water flow in a rapid. As a strong oppression towards procrastination, I have begun to cast aside assignments that are due the week after due to limited time. ‘Best of all’, I could not infuse some concepts that was taught in lecture into my brain. I have begun to feel that my brain space is exhausted though I really hope that I could buy a physical ram to boost my brain memory. I have resorted in spending every minute on the bus, MRT fulfilling readings for the week for each respective module. Yet, I still could not complete them and next week readings is on the way to come. Sadly to say, projects are due in few weeks time. Yet, I have to balance between tutorials, readings, projects and even part time work. I am indeed feeling lugubrious now as I hate the feeling of unable to balance between the increasing demands expected to me. That explains why I choose to take some time off from books to pour my grieves here in hopeful that I would feel better after that.

In any case, I simply loathe people who asks me to do things that they know that it is a obvious trap. Despite the fact that I have reminded them that I am perturbed by such stuff, they still choose to enrage me. I am truly uncertain on when I blow out. If that happens, please do not say that I do not provide sufficient warning.