Reflective entry…

Time really flies except for my ORD date.  When I was a secondary school student, I will pass by Comfort Driving Center (CDC) every weekday via bus. At that time, I have no idea of the facilities in CDC and have never thought of learning driving in CDC. Few years later (which is now), I know most of the facilities of CDC and some instructors.  The thrilling part of having such thought is that I could recall how I look like then (wearing BNSS uniform- biege shorts and shirts) and recall how I have progressed over time. At a deeper analysis, I begin to envisage how I would be like in 5 years time (a person who completes NS, waiting to be recalled by my unit? a teacher who chases homework from students?) To be candour, I am really anticipating to embark on my future journey soon as I would like to fulfill my long term goals soon.

Anyway, I went for two driving lessons this week since I do not need to tutor my student on Sat. On Sat morning, I manage to secure a instructor who has a replicia look of the old Ops Warrant to coach me. At that juncture, I was indeed fearful as flashes of evil doings of the old Ops Warrant keep bubbling into my brain. Ironically, that instructor does not resemble the old Ops Warrant at all except for his looks. He seems to be a slacker but a person comfortable to talk to. He even coached me with patience and told me that he always coach learners by first thinking of how the learners feel. Thus, scolding of learners is not in his dictionary. In view of his guidance, I was able to absorb the driving lessons well.  On Sunday afternoon, I was taught by the ‘blindspot’ instructor.  Thus, it is not surprising for me to have a bad impression about him since I was badly chided by him for not looking at the blindspot during my previous driving lessons.  As usual, he nags about blindspot today. However, I ignore him while trying to be more cautious about blindspot. Then, he praises me for my smooth transition of gearing up and the utilisation of engine brake. In this way, I begin to be alert in checking blindspot. As a result, I feel very satisfied attending his lessons (which has never been felt before.) In this instance, this has taught me that praises does stimulate people’s passion to learn more. Hence, I shall apply it more for my beloved students.

Eventful week – (+) or (-)

It has been an eventful week for me. Oops, I guess this is my first time I wrote about a positive entry in my blog. (Haha!) Well, the word ‘eventful’ could have different implications. That is, I could have referred to positive events or unpleasant events. However, I have both of such events.

The beginning of this week is indeed a pleasant one since Vesak Day falls on the Monday. That means I am privileged to enjoy a longer weekend. Woot! However, this will imply that the mood of booking into camp on Monday night will be dreary since lazy bones have set in.

On Tuesday, I was elated that my highest superior accepted my proposal when I place the proposal on the table. I have always assumed that my efforts will be undermined since I am just insignificant personnel in camp. Thus, this begins to propel my level of confidence. However, I was perturbed by my direct superior who wants me to adapt to her style of working. For those who knows me, I am the sort who will strive to adapt to other people’s approach when I am convinced that the approach is practical. Worst of all, I have to adapt to her style which means inefficient use of scarce resources (That is, papers- my pathetic trees!) She basically fails to understand the balance between promptness in fulfilling tasks and wasting scarce resources. I even try to explain to her the reasoning. However, she pisses me off for her adamant character. Fortunately, I manage to vent my anger during my lunch time. If not, I will have to explode again (well, I will definitely bear with it in camp but I seem to bear with it too much since such incident does not happen overnight) which it has not happened for a long period of time. At night, I went nights off with Han Ting (Do pardon me about my rants- I am the sort who will cool down when I talk to someone).

On Wednesday, people keep disturbing me by calling me ‘boss’. I simply could not understand why. I am just fulfilling my duty of serving my boss. Yet, people keep thinking that I am trying to suck up to my boss. Since I did not do it, I am not guilty conscious (Rest assured, I have touched my heart before saying this). However,  I am annoyed when people keeping blabbering on it ever since I came back from overseas exercise.

On Thursday, my highest superior messages me to find out his schedule for the next day at 2130 hrs. I freak out when I realise his message at 2155 hrs (I could only access his schedule before 2200 hrs of each day). I rushed back to office to access his schedule. Yet, my card was locked since I login in at 2200 hrs. (WTH!!) Thus, I have to rely on memory in order to reply to his message and ensure that I use words that shows uncertainity (just in case my memory is not functioning well).  Fortunately, I remembered his schedule correctly. If not, I do not know how my heart beat is going to drop throbbing since my sweats of fear is increasingly generating.

On Friday (today), I was elated to know that my boss is concerned about the progress of my proposal. He even explains and guides me. At that stage, I was indeed in the state of felicity since it is indeed difficult to get a boss who bothers to guide me since we are living in materialistic society. Thus, this provides me a ray of hope in life and I have managed to find a reason to be serve the nation (which this perception has been lost ever since I went for overseas exercise).

In conclusion, the positive eventful incidents have deviated me a while from the grey side of life and taught me that unpleasant incidents are just part of your life before the positive incidents will come.  Inspirational enough? Haha.

Hating myself

To most people, many will find it appalling to see the above heading for this entry. I am not trying to say that I don’t like myself. But, I have observed that there is one characteristics that is innate in me which has screwed my life up. That is, my panic-striken character. For instance, I did not have complete control over the motor vehicle when my engine began to stall on the road during one of my driving lessons despite the fact that I could do it when I am cool down and feel confident. As a result, my instructor threatened to reteach my basics principle of driving. In my army life, I blabber to my commander despite the fact that I have prepared on what to tell my commander prior to my speech. Worst of all, I will toil myself up by running errands at top speed in order to get my commander’s stuff to be done at the shortest time. In this way, people feel that I am panic striken and mock on me for my foolhardy acts (in their eyes).

Although I have been trying to alleviate my innate character, many people still think that I am adamant to change. I have been constantly reminding myself to cool down and ponder over the next move when situation arises. However, I will revert back to my old self when the situation arises. What should I do to overcome this? I need it to be solved at a shortest possible time. If not, I could not imagine how I am going to survive in this competitive world where people will condemn you on your flaws.

Back to school…

In this entry, I shall describe my feeling when I took off to pay a visit to my alma mater. The feeling was indeed different now as compared to going to JC every weekday 2 years ago. Firstly, I was elated when memories of my schooldays keep flashing when I pass by the filthy river while walking to school. When I step into SRJC, I was impressed by the vast improvements in the school such as wireless connection in the school (e.g. study corner, library). The CBLC room that I used to control is demolished in order to faciliate more news laptop to be placed for the students’ use. In short, the school has become more student-friendly and ideal environment to study. Moreover, I manage to meet Mr Tan TH which is my purpose of visit. Thus, we manage to have a conversation for an hour. Anyway, I have found a trend between military rank and the career you undertake in future. That is, teachers in the civilian world are usually the enlistee in military rank. Yet, most teachers are still highly respected by students which could be due to personal touch between teachers and students. With regards to another careers, I am still on the way to find out and hopefully I could do up a report then.  Haha.

In short, I am still awaiting the day when I am addressed as ‘Mr Tan’ by my students.

Back to camp SOON!!!

This heading has been bothering me for the past few days after I came back to Singapore on 7 May. In view of this, I have been treasuring these privileged off days. At the same time, I feel nostalgic whenever I know I am going back to camp soon. ARGH!!! Conversely, I am constantly reminded that I will be released from National Service stint in 9 months time in order to spur me up. Yet, this does not seem to work as I am still envisaging my civilian life plan to work as soon as possible. Well, I guess I shall not dwell on it further and pray that my transition to camp tonight is a smooth one as well as things do turn out well for the next 9 months.

Anyway, I hope that I could attain a Class 3 licence in Aug. In this way, I could feel accomplished for a while and prove to those demeaning instructors who think that I am not likely to make it for the first time. In addition, I could spend more time during weekends for my precious students.