This is one of my most meaningful birthdays that I have spent over my years. With a surprise birthday treat a few hours before my birthday, what makes it even more meaningful is that one of my friends is in the starting phase of the chasing stage of BGR. I am indeed in the state of felicity (exceptionally happy) as it really brings back to the sweet memories of my 1st BGR. So, let us reminisce those moments here. Hehe…
This is how I would describe that starting phase of the chasing stage of BGR (at least I experience them). I don’t mean to dictate my below responses as foolproof. But, it is my personal comments and insights that I have learnt from hearing my friends’ experience and of course of my own experience (though limited). So, I feel that I may as well share it out to those who needs it and for myself when my turn comes AGAIN.
1. It is the moment where you begin to think hard what she is trying to convey in her words or message.
[But, her words or message may have NO hidden meaning. Perhaps, it is a typical guy’s issue? Haha… Perhaps, check if our perceived notions of their intended meaning is right if it is important? ]
2. It is the moment where you would say (or think) she is playing delay tactics with you (or won’t tell you her feelings about you directly) when she asks about your feelings of her or something of that sort INDIRECTLY.
[Hmm, I still believe girls do play delay tactics. But, female friends would tell you that if girls directly express their true feelings, most guys don’t treasure them. Worst still, she plays delay tactics on you in replying your message slowly so that she tests your patience (i.e. how much you really like her).]
3. It is the moment where you are fearful that she would reject you if you tell her your feelings about her.
[Hmm, I still remember those cold sweat that I experience. I even have sleepless nights all thanks to that.
But, we still need to know the truth and we should anticipate it as one of the possible outcomes. Otherwise, it is pointless to move on. ]
4. It is the moment that you begin to present the soft side of you.
[Well, this is the time where both you and her will reveal only the strengths. I guess this gives us affirmation what we really like each other. So, in the event of quarrels when we are really together, we have to remind ourselves this is what drives both of us to be together to begin with which I have seen many people always forget this.]
5. It is the moment that you are eager to wait for her messages though you may tell others that you don’t really care.
[One lesson that I learn is to remind yourself not to wait for her messages after you have taken a lot of initiatives. Then, she begins to treasure your message and start to reply .]
6. It is the sweetest and fun moments before both you and her officially got together.
[This is the moment where there is NO expectation between both of you and yet enjoy the sweet moments being together. Well, I do really crave for this moment for a long while. Haha…]
7. It is one of the moments that you hope to spend your life with her (if you are really serious with her).
[From my learning experience, it is normal to have this mindset as it affirms that you really love her. But, I feel that you should still take a step back to know her more. In addition, you may feel the strong urge of liking her because she got attracted by her for that transient (short) moment. Thus, perhaps give yourself more time to affirm your feelings with her.]
8. It is the moment that you are likely to advertise her strengths to your friends.
[From my learning experience, we subconsciously want to maintain our ego and be perceived in front of our friends that we have the right kind of girl in target. If we have a good friend asking about her flaws, we will play down the effects as you think the strengths outweight the flaws. To me, this is normal as I have been a victim of it too. But, sitting back to reflect now, I feel that it is always better to constantly ask yourself if that statement holds true instead of treating your good friend’s kind intention as one time thing. That brings to the point on the importance of knowing her even more to verify that statement.]
9. Most important of all, it is the moment you would likely to have let your guts down.
[From my learning experience, we will be too obsessed with her strengths to convince ourselves subconsciously that she is the one for us or even select evidences that support it. But, have we sat down to reflect and verify on her motive? There are cases where they may be just enjoying to be loved since they have not recovered from her past wounds from previous relationship or unwilling to commit into a serious one. As one good friend told me before, there must be a reason why she has break up(s) especially since it is a multiple one (though not all breakups are due to her fault.)]
One of the key lessons that I have learnt is love is a necessary but not sufficient condition for BGR. In plain English, it means love may be an important factor for BGR but it is never enough to make BGR possible. There are a lot of dimensions to consider to see if both you and her should be together in the long run (unless you are a play boy). But, if both parties really like each other, both of you should be willing to cross the hurdles together. That is what I call true love since I always believe there is no perfect love but to make 2 imperfect people to be perfect for each other.
Hmm, I sound like a love guru for once. But, these are advices that I have accumulated over learning from my friends experience and my own experience which I hope people would incorporate various broad dimensions when they are in this stage in making an informed decision. Remember, romance is an irrational process (otherwise, romance won’t be so interesting). No matter how rational you can go, each of us often lose sights to all of these when we are in it no matter how experienced we may be in. I really hope not to see people complaining that I could have better off considered this or that.
TYS 